LGBT: WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR

A message for LGBTs who say Seksualiti Merdeka is making things worse

Someone wrote to me that: "According to many of my friends, they were doing just fine getting around under the radar until Seksualiti Merdeka 'decided' to fight for LGBT rights publicly. Now they blame Seksualiti Merdeka and its organisers for the scrutiny that they are being put through."

This is my response.

Your fears are real. I have been there before. Always thinking twice for everything I did in case I get caught. At home, I was careful of calls I received. At work, I was careful of emails. I deleted all chats and online histories. After looking over my shoulders to be doubly triply sure no one was looking, I might have some relieve. I had to lie all the time. I had to get out of sight just for some human touch, I had to hide my love. And I feared that these few precious moments would be gone should people find out. So I maintained my silence. And with my silence, I surrendered my dignity.

But not anymore. That is why I can tell you this. It doesn’t have to be this way.

When we chose to trade in our dignity for the privilege of being left alone we will always think that this privilege is all we are worth. We live under the radar because we think under the radar is where we belong. We forget that life is for living, not for existing in the shadows.

We pay for these privileges with our silence, and this silence, while pleasant in times of innocence will render us unable to speak for ourselves in times of injustice.

This silence is what feeds the beast of oppression. While we live silently, those less able than us to hide will become victims at the jaws of the beast. You and I feed the beast when we chose to keep silent about injustice faced by others. We may be lucky to escape, but not everyone is that lucky.

LGBT children are kicked out of their homes, with nowhere to go they often end up selling themselves, for the privilege to survive. Transgender individuals are denied work, they are beaten up, sometimes by vigilantes, sometimes by religious officers, sometimes by police. All they want is the privilege to walk down the street without getting beaten up. LGBTs continue to be easy target for sexual abuse and are made to feel like it is their fault, so they never report it and they are denied the privilege of justice. Gay professionals from teachers to engineers to police are blackmailed at work, so they pay up to avoid being exposed, to keep that privilege to work. All around, many LGBTs, out of their love for their families, force themselves to separate from the ones they truly love and marry someone they don't, buying a lifetime of silence for the privilege of not being kicked out from the family. When all these privileges add up to zero, many young LGBTs attempt suicide as they contemplate a life without happiness and meaning. How many of us must suffer this way before we finally realise that our silence has allowed their continued suffering?

同志們，千萬別生活在恐懼中

這篇文章是寫給那些說『性向自主』使情勢變得更糟的LGBT們。
原作者：馮啟德 | 譯者：明越、欣怡

有人寫信告訴我：“我好多朋友都表示，在性向自主決定要高調地為LGBT發聲前，原本他們都可以低調地過著好日子。現在他們動輒被提出來審視，都是因為性向自主跟組織成員們害的。”

我的回應如下：

你的恐懼是真實的。我以前也是那樣，每次做事都要三思以免被抓。在家裡，接個電話都要小心翼翼。在工作上，收發信件也是一樣，我得清除所有聊天與上網的記錄。

總得要一而再三地確定沒有人在窺視，我才可能稍微鬆一口氣。我成天都得說謊。我想稍微親熱一點的時候得謹慎避開眾人的目光，我必須要隱藏我的愛，我害怕一被人發現，那些寶貴的時刻會離我而去。所以我保持沉默，而保持沉默使我放棄了身為人的尊嚴。

但現在不是了，所以我可以告訴你，沒有必要這樣子。

當我們選擇犧牲尊嚴來交換所謂不被騷擾、低調平靜的權利時，便會誤以為我們的人生僅值得這些。我們以為這一輩子就注定只能躲躲藏藏。我們忘記了生命的價值在於生活，而非躲起來不見天日。

我們保持沉默以維持這些『權利』，保持沉默或許讓我們在天下太平的時候過得悠哉悠哉，卻讓我們在不公不義的時刻無法為自己發聲。

有一隻怪獸叫『壓迫』，我們的沉默就是它得以生存的食物。當我們選擇安安靜靜地過日子的時候，那些比較無力保護自己的人成了它爪牙下的受害者。當其他人面對不公不義的時候，我們的沉默是它的幫兇。也許我們很慶幸可以逃開，但並非每個人都是那麼地幸運。